I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
