Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
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all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
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Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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