So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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