Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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