i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I've blown a few things in my day
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
