i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
