I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
