happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
