do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
