i already hear my dad disowning me
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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