if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
