u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
