I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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