Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
