I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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