I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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