When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
