I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
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Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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