I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
