Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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