Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
