When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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