Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize