I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
