it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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