no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
