She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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