So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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