There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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