You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
