I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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