Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
