at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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