kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
