I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
