Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
