Don't make out with my wife yet
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
