Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
you made out with another girl for some wings
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
