This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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