Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
