This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
