Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
