Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Who died my cat blue again?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
