they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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