So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
