you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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