Apparently you make a good broom.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
