i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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