I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
