How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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