The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
