I love black thongs
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
