how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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