I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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