Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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