I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize
