Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
