Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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