I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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