I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she smelled like a LAN party
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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