oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I skipped work to stalk him.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
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we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
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I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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