I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
