I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
