Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
