I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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