she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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