So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
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In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
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In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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