But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
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Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
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Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize