Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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