I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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