Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
