I'm going to jail i love you
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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