so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
