worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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