the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
