I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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