dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
