Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
